Life is Ramen
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Destiny doesn't like its peas mixed with its porridge. When you push against it, sometimes it pushes back. Sometimes, it pushes hard. And sometimes you SHATTER destiny. Hey, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When fate gives you noodles, what do you do? You make Ramen! Humor, zaniness, reality bending, fluff abounds! NarutoxHarem. NarutoxMaxChloe!
1. Life is Ramen

**A/N: LONG LIVE THE REQUEST YEARS! Isn't that better than just one measly year, hmm? And the requests just keep POURING IN! One in particular struck a cord, among others.**

 **This was a challenge from Akren Alumni. Don't believe me? Here's the word-for-word:**

 _I CHALLANGE YOU and with your fav variation of naruto he would love 2 of these girls...I CHALLANGE YOU TO GET NARUTO TO FIGHT FATE TIME AND EVEN DEATH ITSELF for the ever loveable and sorrowful tale of max caulfield and chloe price...watch a playthrough of life is strange because its an amazing game but the whole time i wish i could rip open the screen and blow some heads off for these 2 adorable ladies and a bunch of memorable other characters that just deserve better...that and i think you will just have such pleasure with mr jefferson...this man could rival the primeminister from akame ga kill on being a truly vile and evil and inhumane amalgamation of hate... just think on it or watch a lets play of this game the ending of the game is arguably the cruelest part...i admit i chose the easy ending after having a near perfect playthough i choose to be selfish but i wanna see what you can do with this plus i dunno i just lost 3 friends to a car accident and life is just bearing down on me and i figured if your taking requests you might like this one anyways glad your still around dude CHEERS now im off to sleep..._

 **...HAPPY SOON-TO-BE FALL TO YOU ALL!**

 **LIFE IS RAMEN! This chapter is meant to be silly, so don't think too much, neh?**

 _"_ _There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke._

 _~Herman Mellville._

 **Life is Ramen**

 _Life is Ramen._

 _Ramen is love, ramen is life, ramen is the food of the gods! All hail ramen! Any who dare claim otherwise shall be sacrificed on the altar of the Log!_

 _Ahem._

 _Sorry._

 _Had to get that out of my system._

 _Ramen withdrawal's a pain in the ass._

 _Now, I'm sure you're wondering how I managed to blunder my way into this particular mess. Simple. I screwed up. I done goofed, blundered, fucked the duck, however you want to put it. I made a mistake and that mistake cost me a DAMN sight more than I was willing to wager. Now I know what you're all thinking, "Haven't you learned your lesson after last time?" but there WAS no last time! This is the first time I've honestly messed with a deity that could kick my ass seven-ways-to-sunday as well ass open rifts to different dimensions and universes._

 _So, yeah. In short, I got my cocky little ass kicked._

 _And that was WITH pseudo-god powers!_

 _To be fair, I'm somewhat certain she was trying to kill me when she blew a hole in my chest and tossed me out of this dimension. Key word being trying. Turns out pseudo-god powers make you hard to kill. Or maybe that_ was _her way of defeating me? Toss me into some universe where nobody can use chakra and leave me there to rot? If that was actually Kaguya's plan then I've got to hand it to the bitch._ _She's pretty damn clever._

 _Ohhh, and you've noticed the cursing. Why, you ask?_

 _Simple._

 _I've been stuck in this backwater universe for a fucking WEEK._

 _With very little chakra_ _!_

 _YOU try mending a hole in your chest and tell me how you feel afterward, OI!_

 _I used almost all of it just to heal myself in the first place!_ _Do you have any idea what that does to a man's mind, huh?! Add to that the fact that_ _I've never been particularly good at anything resembling seals, so I have no idea how to get back. Which means all my friends, teammates, and by definition my WORLD are probably dead all because I should've DODGED that last attack. Which makes a man think. Somewhere, somewhen in another universe, I guess you could say another me actually took her out._

 _Hell, I probably MARRIED her in one of them!_

 _Multiverse theory is a bitch._

 _If ever there was a reason for a man to drink, you've got a damn good one right there!_

 _As to the rest, when and how, well...I have one thing to say in that regard:_

 _Do._

 _Not._

 _Piss._

 _Off._

 _A._

 _GODDESS!_

 _Also, I would land in Oregon!_

 ** _WELCOME TO THE RICE FIELDS MOTHERFUCKER!_**

* * *

 _(...?...)_

* * *

"Oh, fuck me bloody!"

Naruto swore viciously as he stalked across the street, trying his utmost to avoid attention in spite of his temper. Of course, the stream of vitriol flowing from his mouth almost _guaranteed_ that he would be the highlight of anyone's afternoon. After all how could you miss a young man wearing a tattered orange-black jumpsuit and cussing like a sailor? Considering said man was presently _soaking wet_ and looking as though he were all of an instant from ripping someone's head off and you had a rather familiar portrait.

His plight was only made all the worse by the fact that he'd failed to find his way back to the Elemental Nations.

 _Again._

So yes, he was having a bad time.

Nearly seven days had passed since he'd first found himself in this god-forsaken hell. Two of those had been spent in a comatose state as Kurama struggled to keep him alive. Another, in a state of severe depression as he realized just how monumentally _screwed_ he was. The remaining four found themselves wasted on futile efforts to undo whatever Kaguya had done to trap him here in the first place alongside fuinjutsu-of which he admittedly knew precious little in regards to-in a desperate attempt to get himself out of this world and fine a way home.

Fuck fate and damn destiny!

He was getting out of here!

That had been the plan when he'd started working with seals. He'd seen Jiraiya do something similar once, though admittedly on a much smaller scale, and as it was his only known way of getting home, Naruto Uzumaki had thrown himself into the task with the same singular determination that defined his shinobi career. And remarkably, he produced results. If you could call messing with the space-time-continuum a result. Or that odd incident where he accidentally went back in time and met _himself._

What followed was a series of spectacular failures and a single, solitary success.

A space-time seal.

Unfortunately, said _success_ had the annoying habit of depositing him in Arcadia Bay rather than back in the Elemental Nations.

No matter when and how he used the damn thing it always dropped him in the water!

 _Always!_

He could be a mile away and it STILL dropped him right back in the bay!

What the hell was keeping him here?!

How the hell was he supposed to figure this shit out, oi?! Arcadia Bay had a nice ring to it, but that falling into it day after day was where he drew the line! If something or someone _was_ drawing him back here, he just had to find out what it was and then cut it out before-

 _"ExcusemepardonmecomingTHROUGH!"_

That was all Naruto heard before his world went sideways; say what you would about the people in this universe but they could be very loud when they wanted to. With his attention diverted, the bedraggled blond didn't even notice identity of the unfortunate passerby until they cannoned into him from the side. Then they both went down in a tangle of arms and legs and the blond soon found he had other things to worry about. With an annoyed grunt he pushed the newcomer off. Ordinarily that wouldn't have bothered him overmuch. But a week of anxiety and stress had taken their toll and a flash of white in his peripherals sent his paranoia screaming into overdrive, thoughts caroming wildly in his head.

 _Kaguya?!_

What was going on here?!

So she'd come for him, had she?!

Had she sent someone to finish the job?!

He wouldn't go down with a fight, damn her!

Old instincts reared their heads and Naruto kicked out with both feet, instantly righting himself and falling into a pointed crouch, reaching for a knife he knew wasn't there. Rage was the fuel that drove his hand forward, his fingers fisting around the hem of his enemy's jacket even as his other hand rose for what would surely be a crippling blow. He expected to find himself face to face with a smug goddess, a wicked woman who'd taken everything from him and now finally come to claim his life.

Instead he found himself face to face with a startled brunette, her brown eyes wide with shock.

She was wearing white shirt.

"Um...could you let go?"

 _Oops._

Naruto sweatdropped.

'That's it. I'm losing my mind.'

He dropped her and she landed on her rear, narrowly avoiding crashing into the sidewalk.

"Look, I'm sorry, miss...

"Max." the girl supplied, groaning quietly. "Jeez, what are you made of, bricks or something? It felt like running into a wall!"

"I tend to get that alot-

Naruto paused.

Frowned.

There was something...off about her.

One of the few gifts he'd gained since coming to this idiot-ridden world involved sensing chakra. Some wires must've crossed somewhere in the back of his brain; because he could see it in just about every living thing, human or otherwise. And what he'd seen thus far was rather...disturbing. Not because they had some small semblance of energy, but that it existed at all. Most had just enough to live on-yet not so much as to actually be able to consciously exert through their will.

Not Max Caulfield.

She had chakra for _days._

If he didn't know better he might think this was a distant future of some sort. A future where shinobi and the concept of chakra were both eventually forgotten. But this girl seemed to be the exception to that. Which meant that this might be an alternate universe of _another_ Naruto which was related to another alternate timeline, which meant-

Ow.

Headache!

Shaking off the migraine, the blond returned his attention the girl he'd inadvertantly knocked down. The coils where there, strong and healthy, which beggared the question; how the hell? She sure as hell didn't look like any ninja he'd seen. Even as he looked on it seemed to shift and shy away from his attention, wavering while he looked on.

As if she hadn't awakened it yet.

Old instincts kicked in.

"Yo." he waved. "Mind telling me who the hell you are and why you have chakra?"

Max blinked.

...what the hell is chakra?"

"Okay, that's it. You're coming with me, right now!"

Max balked as a strong arm closed around her wrist, yanking her to her feet.

"Hey, stop! Where are you taking me?!"

"Walk now, talk later!"

"Hey!"

And so began a rather odd, unorthodox friendship.

Some say life is strange.

Yet the world can be amazing when you're slightly strange. Or very strange. Yet compared to what? We are all a little wierd and life's a little weird and when we find someoen whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutal weirdness and call it love. Life is about change. Sometimes its painful, sometimes its beautiful, and other times, its outright silly. Most of the time? Its both.

So, yes. Life is Strange.

Very strange indeed.

But for Naruto...

 _...Life is Ramen._

 **A/N: ...Did I just do that? Yup, I reckon I did. There's a line in there from Doctor Seuss. I thought it fit =D**

 **We'll have to see if Naruto's chakra lasts in this world. I WAS going to do a "Not Going Home" version of this, but to be honest I'm not certain if I want to, seeing as Naruto would literally kick the crap out of everyone in that fic. Eh, I might do that on a lark, see what happens. This one though, this'll be a touch more serious one, with bits of humor and wild silliness, because you can only guess what a crazed, sarcastic blond can do when he's let loose.**

 **Make of this what you will!**

 **So...in the immortal words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would Ya Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview!**

 **(Preview)**

 _Chloe Price balked._

 _...did you just catch that shit? With your teeth?"_

 _Naruto grinned around the bullet._

 _Then he bit down._

 _Hard._

 _The lead projectile shattered between his molars, ground to little more than metal shavings. Shavings he promptly choked on and spat out, ruining the image. In that moment all was forgiven; the fact that she'd shot at him by accident ignored as easily as the flush rising to her face._

 _"What can I say?" he grinned. "I'm fucking awesome."_

 _...yeah, you're really not." she giggled._

 _"Let me have my moment, oi!"_

 **R &R! =D**


	2. Eye of the Beholder (First Interlude)

**A/N: REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION!**

 **Seriously, though. How can I write if you guys and gals don't tell me what you think?**

 **So, finally got my hands on Life is Strange: Before the Storm. Seems I was right to wait for that to come out before continue because...wow. I forgot just how ADDICTING it could be. At present I'm all the way up to episode three, with only the bonus episode remaining. Jeez, I've all but fallen in love with the game...even though I know how it will end...**

 **T_T**

 **Next** **off, I want to address something.** **An anonymous review, actually:**

 _"Look you're a great writer, but there is seriously a problem when a quarter of the chapter's word count is an author's note."_

 **Seriously? Of all the things you could say, you choose THAT?! Its hardly ever a problem and you're seriously going to poke that dragon there bud?!** **It irks me to no end when people tell me this.** **EXCUSE ME for talking to you guys and gals.** **I don't mean to come as rude, but I dislike nitpicking. I can take criticism when it makes a valid point, but the remark above makes none. Whereas those below actually DO!**

 **Now, then, in lieu of a long author's note...**

 **...let's just get this ball of chaos rolling then, shall we?**

 **Yes, this chapter is going to be maddeningly short for a reason.**

 **Its also meant to be entertaining, so I wouldn't question it too much.**

 **Think of it as an interlude of sorts, a jolt of life back into this treasured story.**

 **I think we can all agree that it is NEVER a good idea to irritate a shinobi; even a weakened one...**

 ** _Ciao~!_**

 _"Alright, then. Come here you little shit. I'm gonna break your bits."_

 _"What? Do you have any idea who I am you piece of-_

 _CRUNCH._

 _~?_

 **The Eye of the Beholder (First Interlude)**

Max wanted to _die._

She wanted to scream, cry, tear out her hair and die. Barring that, throw herself into Arcadia bay and sink to the bottom _._ Possibly in that order. Maybe then this pounding migraine would leave her be and she'd finally get some peace. Maybe _then_ this twisted mess would actually make sense. _Maybe then_ she'd be able to tell right from wrong. Fact from fiction. Because right now? She couldn't. Reality and fantasy were suddenly intertwined and she could not make heads or tails of either. Suddenly, her life had gone from normal to a convoluted mess and for the life of her, she didn't know how to fix it.

Perhaps it was all just a dream...?

 _"Hmm. So this is 'high school'? Why do I hate it?"_

Hmm. Did she really sound like that? Honestly? Seriously?

No, definitely not a dream. No amount of pinching would wake her.

In the span of a few hours everything had been turned inside out and upside down. After what she'd seen...well, it was hard to deny someone capable of disguising himself at will. Even then she hadn't believed him until he'd morphed into _her_ before her very eyes. Hmm. That took arguing with yourself to a whole other level. Thank god she was running late. If anyone saw her arguing with her "twin" they really might thing she'd gone off the deep end. Perhaps she had.

"Oh, Maaaaaaax!"

No, she definitely had!

"Just...just leave me alone!"

Yes, it was shaping up to be one of _those_ days.

"I will," the lost ninja reassured her quietly, "Just as soon as you tell me why you have _that_ much chakra. You do that and poof!" he snapped "her" fingers. "I drop the act. Don't, and...well," her own facade smiled back at her with a mischievous smile as he waved her treasured journal about. "You're going to have a bad time."

Max felt her mouth draw into a thin line.

"Has anyone told you that you're an absolute asshole?"

"Time travel will do that to the best of us." he deadpanned. "Now spill it!"

"I already told you!" exasperated, she flung her hands up into the air and turned away. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about! Now stop...that!"

"Stop what?" He grinned back at her with her face.

At her wits end, the aspiring photographer finally snapped. Enough! In an abrupt motion she rounded on her doppelganger, relishing in his-her?-startled expression. Abandoning her journal she seized him by the shoulders and shook the disguised shinobi with all her might. To her dismay, he only laughed at her efforts. Naturally, it only made Max rattle him all the more. For his part the blond only scorned her efforts with still more laughter, uncaring as she feebly tried to bat him back Within minutes they stood at an impasse; one exhausted from physical exertion, the other still snickering breathlessly.

"Pfft...ha! I just can't!" sighing, he dashed a tear from his eye. "You're adorable when you're angry!"

Max wasn't flattered by the backhanded comment; not in the least.

"Just stop looking like me, you asshole!"

She expected anger or...something.

Instead, he merely smiled.

"Don't feel like it."

 _"Aaaaargh!"_

Infuriated, she turned her back on him and stormed away.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before he trotted after at a leisurely pace.

"Tch, fine!" Naruto sang. "Fine. Kill all the fun. Put the fun in camps why don't you? You're not going to get rid of me that easily."

Risking a reluctant glance over her shoulder merely confirmed her suspicions. He was still following her, though thankfully he'd abandoned her face for his own. Damn. She hadn't given him the slip after all. It would've been all well and good if she'd been able to lose him after wriggling free. Instead, he had trailed her Here. To school. _Blackwell._ The one place where he absolutely couldn't be. Arcadia Bay might not the largest place on earth but it was definitely Oregon. _Oregon,_ where everyone knew everyone and any mistake you made would never, ever be forgotten...

Because Naruto was driving her _mad._

...and she was walking around with a boy-a miracle by itself!-who claimed to be from another world.

"Ugh, I want to die!"

"Where's the fun in that, Mad Max?"

A new, unexpected voice sent a fresh knife of ice through her chest.

When next she looked, a familiar face gazed back at her.

"No. Absolutely not. You change back right now or...!

"Or what? Whatcha gonna do?"

A young cheery face gazed up at her. Of course, the blond had no way of knowing what she looked like these days. Neither did Max. With her journal in his hand he didn't have to. He'd doubtlessly perused through each of the photographs within, and so rather than improvise he simply assumed a younger form of her, right down to the worn green shirt and tattered blue jeans. Chloe Price beamed cheerily up at her, face creasing in a cheeky grin. Well done. Well done indeed. If he was trying to get at her, he'd finally succeeded. Worse, she knew he hadn't even done it out of spite; rather, he'd done it to get her to notice him.

 _He'd succeeded._

The wily bastard had finally captured her attention in the worst way possible.

"Chloe" laughed at her with a toothy grin that made Max's heart ache.

"Aw, don't be like that! This is hella awesome! Now! To class!"

"What?! No! Don't you dare! You're not going to...!"

Whistling, "Chloe" skipped straight past her.

Max screamed into her hands.

 _Oh, fuck my selfie!_

 **A/N:** **Weren't expecting that, were you?**

 **I can easily see an irritated Naruto doing this.**

 **Bit of a lighthearted pick me up; one I felt was necessary given all the craziness we've got running about in the world today. Someone asked about Rachel and weeell...let's just say I have plans for her in this and "Not so Strange"**

 **Poor Naruto. Sorry if this chapter is so terribly, short, but I needed to get this off the ground. Now, before anyone says anything, Naruto is NOT at his max in this. Nowhere near it in fact. In short, he's gotten his arse handed to him, most of his powers reduced/stripped away, flat. Yes, he's stronger than your average human, but don't expecting him to be tossing any Rasenshuriken around just yet...**

 **So, in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **SPOILERS AHOY!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"You can bring back the dead?!"_

 _"Did I stutter?"_

 _"Bullshit."_

 _Naruto looked up from his notes and adjusted his glasses-just where the hell had he gotten those?!-and offered a slow, reluctant nod. Chloe felt her mouth go dry as he stood, not from his disheveled appearance-though that was certainly a factor-but the promise his words invoked. It was all too good to be true. First she'd rediscovered her best friend who had APPARENTLY developed time-bending superpowers. Now she'd met someone who claimed to be able to raise the dead. Hella ridiculous. There was absolutely no way such a thing could be possible._

 _"Careful," he warned, "You might not like the result."_

 _One thought came to her mind._

 _One person._

 _One._

 _"If you're telling the truth...I just might kiss you."_

 _Max coughed._

 _"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"_

 _Chloe felt a slow, insidious flush crawl up the back of her neck._

 **R &R! =D**


End file.
